Where did you grow up?
Cambridge
Where you brought up religiously?
Kind of and kind of not. It’s a complicated picture. My dad is Christian and I went to church as a kid because I think my parents thought it would be a good moral grounding. My mother however, is an Atheist and I think I have taken on her world view more so than my dad’s.
Was there turbulence during your childhood/adolescence?
In a nutshell, my childhood was relatively happy in comparison to others. I was always a very unhappy child though, I didn’t really fit in at school, I didn’t fit in with people my own age, I tended to hang out with the older children and I never really felt as though I was wanted. I think that feeling of being an outsider has persisted into adulthood.
Were you ever embarrassed about your development?
I developed really young. I got my period when I was 11, I had breasts at 9 or 10, and it was noticeable. When it happened I wasn’t fully aware because I didn’t have ‘the talk’ with my parents. It wasn’t until I was 13 or 14 that I noticed the implications of having a more womanly figure.
I think I’ve always had a relatively positive attitude towards puberty and accepting my body the way it is.
Did you receive any reactions from other people about your development? If so, how did it make you feel?
I didn’t really mind when I was younger because a lot of my self-worth was based upon the opinions of others and because I was quite curvaceous I received a lot of positive attention so I kind of embraced that. But it really wasn’t a healthy way to view myself, relying on others appreciation to boost my self-esteem. I really do think this has contributed to my low self-esteem in later years and my general mental health. Luckily I have now recovered.
Were there any key moments that shaped you?
So many! 11 to 16 wasn’t a great time. I didn’t come to terms with my sexuality, my body and my self-worth. I would say becoming best friends with Ellen. She has supported me through everything. It’s not healthy to say you can’t cope without someone, but she has been there through thick and think and I can’t overstate how much she means to me.
So meeting her.
The key moment that shaped your sexuality?
I started having on and off relationships and sexual encounters with girls from the age of 13. I dismissed them as a ‘phase’. My parents didn’t but society and my school did. I didn’t accept that I was bisexual until I was 17 or 18. I used to explain away by saying that “I just like this girl because she’s unique”, I would find as many excuses as I could to cover up my actions and my feelings. It’s only as I have become more self-assured that I have been able to recognise my true feelings. Also, coming to university has helped with embracing my sexual identity.
What is it about this University that has made you feel so comfortable?
I was at Cambridge for a term and a half last year, before I left because I didn’t enjoy the course or the environment. It really wasn’t conductive to my mental health. I found that although they have an active LGBTQ scene it just doesn’t compare to the way it prevails in York. There are so many people at a college level upwards giving an immense amount of support. The intersectionality with several other societies is incredible. The acceptance and the lack of people questioning whether these societies should exist is amazing.
I am so happy to feel so welcome and to be here.
When did you become aware of your gender?
I didn’t question gender until I was 13 or 14. I always knew I was female, without thinking about what it meant to be a female. I was always aware I had the anatomy. The way I was educated didn’t lead me to question what my gender was.
I often identified with the princess stereotypes, I didn’t have the opportunity to explore my masculine side.
Have you ever felt embarrassed about your sexuality?
Yes! To be frank, I still deal with this issue. It was a huge burden that was repressed for a large amount of my teenage years which is why I am so keen to work in advocacy or gay right charities because there needs to be a much greater educational focus on all kinds of relationships.
My parents are quite a lot older than average parents, obviously they come from a different generation where these things weren’t spoken about but they were still open. It was the children that I mixed with and the educational system that I experienced that made me feel like there was no room for people who were deviant or differed from the standardised gender roles and sexualities.
What is the image that you think you project every day?
Probably a stressed, hectic, slightly crazy ginger with a floppy hat and a fur coat. In terms of my mental image I would like to come across as my true self. I am neurotic, I am over covering, I have suffered with depression and anxiety but I don’t want that to be my defining image. I want to be someone that is kind, compassionate and embracing life.
What is your political stance on women’s reproductive rights?
I am a strong feminists and I think women should have full control over their reproductive rights. It’s totally within the women’s realm and a basic human right to have that choice.
We prioritise foetal rights over living women who are present in the situation in the way that the foetus is not, that is completely absurd, damaging and wrong for these women.
It is a massive issue in the 21st century!
What is your opinion on contraceptives? Their availability, cost, usage and the stigma attached?
I think that the fact that they’re so expensive in general is ridiculous, as is their lack of availability around the world. Contraceptives like condoms and dental dams are so important to stop the spread of STD’s. I didn’t know what a dental dam was until I was 18, which is potentially damaging for many people. Sex education in schools is lamentable, there needs to be a much broader discussion within schools.
What are your feelings on casual sex?
It’s not for me. I’m quite an introverted person so I like to have a deep connection with someone. However, that is not to say that I am opposed to it, given the right situation.
Are you in a relationship(s)?
No, I am a very single pringle.
What are your feelings on marriage?
I haven’t decided yet. I like the idea of it. But frankly I’m not sure whether that is a reflection of my upbringing. I think it is sad that one has to define the seriousness of a relationship with a ring and a piece of paper. You can be two committed adults without it, but I can understand why some people want to get married.
I’m also exploring polyamory so I’m not sure how that fits in with the ideas associated with marriage and commitment.
What are your most positive relationships with other women?
My mother, who has supported me through everything that I have dealt with in the last 20 years and whom I am so grateful for, not only because she has brought me into this world but because she is so loving and caring. She has encouraged me to accept myself and my body for what it is.
And also Ellen for providing similar support and who has been there through thick and thin.
What does the word ‘woman’ mean to you?
From an academic point of view, it is a cultural construct of what is supposed to be the female biological gender. But if we are discussing what that construct means to me personally, it represents whatever a woman chooses to be. One can have long flowing hair or be bald. She can be whatever she wishes to be, strength and delicacy, any contrast!
I think stereotypes of what a woman should be is so outdated, any woman can express her womanhood in anyway she chooses.
Are you satisfied with the depiction of women in film, television etc?
Firstly I think all woman, in all depictions are REAL WOMEN. Those models are still women, just as those women you see in your street are real women. However I am not satisfied with the lack of diversity. There are still huge racial stereotypes, heteronormative agendas.
There are so many harmful stereotypes that are perpetuated within the media that can lead to eating disorders and mental illness for both genders.
We need to address how we present humans!
How do you feel about pornography?
I would consider myself a third wave feminist so as long as the women involved want to do it and aren’t doing it as a result of financial incentives alone then it is fine because everyone should be free to explore their sexual identity. I think there is an issue with women being in pornography because they can’t make a wage anywhere else.
There is a difference between mainstream and feminist pornography which is something that should be focused on. Woman are paid reasonably and are doing it voluntarily because they want to, not for financial incentives.
I believe the mainstream porn industry has a lot to account for when it comes to exploitation and human trafficking.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Yes. It was something I was brought up to believe, and certainly going to an all-girls school reinforced at a later age that we were strong women! It has been something that I have explored more in the last few years, reading around the subject.
Feminism has been so important in my life. I have been able to accept my body through the body acceptance movement, my sexuality, it isn’t a man hating movement it is so important.
Have you ever been physically or verbally threatened as a result of your appearance?
I have faced a lot of criticism. As a plus size woman who proudly embraces the ‘F word’, fat, and who is happy with my curves. I have also faced a lot of direct and indirect abuse about fat women and what it must be like to be with a fat woman.
I have had lots of criticism for my skin condition, keratosis pilaris, which is why I am wearing this short sleeved top today because I wanted to make a statement about the acceptance of my body. In my darkest days I used to want to rip my skin off, I’ve wasted months of my life crying and trying to find ways to get rid of it.
I also have scars because I used to have issues with my mental health, and I used to be very scared of having them out in public.
I have learnt that it shows more about those that criticised me for my appearance than it actually says about my appearance.
How do you maintain a sense of self?
That is something I have only recently discovered. I used to base my self-worth on the support of others. Was very negative on who I was, my identity and my appearance. But, over the last year, and especially since moving away from my support network, I have learnt to manage and to maintain my sense of self. Even though I have dark days where I can’t see the benefits of myself, I have quotes in my room, little reminders on my phone an outside force that isn’t another person that reminds me of my self-worth.
It’s important not to rely on others for an affirmation of your self-belief.
What is your greatest achievement?
Living. There is too much emphasis on academic achievement.
What is something that you deeply love about yourself?
I love all of myself, which may sound conceited, but I think self-love is so important.
I love my appearance, I love my ability, I love my inconsistencies and my flaws, I love me as the truest version of myself. I embrace myself.
FemFest 