Where did you grow up?
Hackney, East London
Where you brought up religiously?
We’re kind of liberal Jewish but none of us believe. We just celebrate the festivals.
Was there turbulence during your childhood/adolescence?
Yes in the sense that I was always a misfit and an outcast. I wasn’t diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum until I was 15 and so I had a lot of undiagnosed problems that no one could attribute anything to. I was a tomboy and a bit of a loaner. Throughout my childhood and adolescence people my age just didn’t know what to do with me.
Were you ever embarrassed when you were going through puberty?
I felt that I was underdeveloped. I didn’t start my period until I was 15, whereas my best friend started at around 9 and most people had it by the time they were 12 or 13. So I felt a bit insecure about that.
Also I was always underweight and thin, and flat chested so I felt insecure about that too, because the media was so littered with women that are so well endowed in the chest department.
Can you remember any key moments in your formative years that shaped you?
I have so many that I don’t know which to choose. I broke my leg when I was 7. So I spent most of that year in a wheelchair, crutches and finally learning to walk again. That briefly taught me what it’s like to be disabled and taught me patience. It was quite a dramatic thing that I think taught me to be a better and more considerate person in relation to may things including peoples disability rights.
Which moments shaped your sexuality?
I was aware of my sexuality from the age of 3. Being aware that certain activities were quite pleasurable. It is quite an early time to trace your sexual experiences back to, but I don’t count my sexual début (as Laci Green puts it) until 17.
When did you become aware of your gender?
Very early on. My parents are both ‘feminist’, and I’m really glad that as a child they gave me a lot of stories with a strong feminist message like the Paper Bag Princess and Pippi Longstocking. Many stories they told reinforced this idea that it’s ok to be an unconventional women. There is no ideal that I needed to aspire to.
A foetus does not have the autonomy that a grown woman does
Where there any obstacles that you had to overcome when you first came to University?
I was sexually assaulted in a nightclub during freshers week. Which was not fun!
It really put me off nightclubs. But it prompted me to get involved in on campus feminism, which is why I’m so vocal in my involvement in the Feminist Society and Women’s Committee. That kind of experience and various micro-aggressions like it make me so angry that people fail to acknowledge that there is a problem that needs to be changed
Have you ever been embarrassed/burdened/ashamed about your sexuality? Why?
My sexuality is very complex, if people ask me I always say ‘You might need to take a seat’ because there is a lot to go into. I have experienced homophobia, kink shaming and slut shaming, people make an attempt to make me feel ashamed about my sexuality but it hasn’t worked.
What type of image do you try to project every day?
I try to be best version of myself that I can be. I can’t be anyone else because they’re all taken, as Oscar Wilde once said.
How would you describe your existence?
I go with the flow, run with the wind type thing. In the past it used to feel like a daily battle with the world. Coming to university has made me mellow out.
What is it about university that changed your outlook on life?
At university you’re suddenly at a place where you get so much freedom being away from your parents and in most cases uprooted from where you were born and what you know. It’s an amazing learning curve, and we’re all experiencing this new found freedom together, it’s very liberating
Are you pro life or pro choice?
Absolutely pro-choice. A woman has the right to have autonomy over her body. To be honest it upsets me when people refer to a foetus using emotive language as a ‘child’ because I see a foetus as a foetus, it’s a ball of cells. A foetus does not have the autonomy that a grown woman does
I’ve never been in a monogamous relationship
What are your feelings about contraceptives? Their availability, cost, stigma and usage?
I think contraception is great, it should be freely available quite frankly. One of the things I’m incredibly proud of my dad for is campaigning for freely available condoms when he was at university in Oxford.
As part of the LGBTQ network, condoms should be easier to access. At the moment all we have is ‘condom corner’ in the YUSU offices which is still so embarrassing
What are your feelings on casual sex?
I think it is a fantastic thing between consenting adults. It’s not for me, I consider myself to be demi sexual, and so I need to have a close emotional bond to be able to have sex with someone. For others I think it’s a great thing and I wouldn’t judge others for having casual sex
Are you currently in a relationship(s)?
I am polyamorous but currently single. I used to have a primary partner that most people in my life considered to be my boyfriend, at the moment I’m seeing people but not really in a romantic context
What are your feelings on marriage?
Personally marriage is not for me. I’m pro marriage equality, we should have the choice to get married but I still personally see it as a patriarchal institutions. My parents weren’t married when they had me, so I don’t see why it validates a relationship.
I like the neo-pagan idea of marriage, where you get married for a year and a day either forever or for as long as it lasts, which is more pragmatic
What are your most positive relationships with other women?
My mother and my sister, who I am insanely close to, and adore and look up to! I’ve had so many amazing women in my life which is amazing.
What does the word woman mean to you?
To me woman is the gender that I have been assigned by society. It’s a word I’m happy to identify with. I’m aware that society has expectations of what a woman is, and societal connotations of women are not those that I agree with.
I see strength in particular and not weakness and passivity to be fundamental to the word woman.
What are your feelings on monogamy and polyamory?
I’ve never been in a monogamous relationship. The first girl I was with was polyamorous so it was all by accident but I couldn’t see myself in a monogamous relationship.
Rather than being a division of my love I see polyamory as a multiplication of it.
Do you feel that your choice to participate or not participate in sex is at all influenced by societal influence?
Yes. If a girl goes to a guy’s house after a club she is expected to have sex with him. And if she doesn’t she’ll be dismissed by many for being a tease.
How do you feel about feminine hygiene products portrayal in the media?
Certainly period adverts have a lot to answer for! The blue liquid tries to hide the fact that we bleed from our vaginas every month. Feminine hygiene products are incredibly misleading.
Where you always aware of what your body could do sexually?
I was aware of the ability to orgasm from a young age. I suppose since puberty, and since learning more about my sexuality and gaining more experience I’ve learnt more about sex.
We should be encouraging more women to explore themselves sexually.
Is sex empowering for you?
I think it can be. I enjoy taking a dominant role in the relationship and being the dominant one sexually in the relationship challenges the patriarchal notions of sex that we have.
Do you think women treat you differently in comparison to men?
Yes I do think so. I’m queer, and I’m so much more comfortable with women flirting with me. It is way more flattering when a women compliments me than a man.
Would you consider yourself a feminist?
Absolutely, if there was one word I would use to describe me it would be feminist. I’m all about that gender equality and liberation!
When you imagine sex, what is the visual feeling you associate with it?
I imagine a state where I’m so overcome with desire that I cannot think about anything else. Nothing else intrudes, nothing about my life, degree or politics. It’s all about being in the moment.
How do you maintain a sense of self?
I often do this thing, where I lock myself in the bathroom or just stand in front of a toilet mirror and look at myself as I am, and think about how I used to be and I give myself a little pep talk.
Having a conversation with myself is very reassuring
Do you ever feel like your academic ability is overlooked at university?
Yes, I think it is still a problem. So many people I’ve spoken to are dominated by the men. I study English literature which is female dominated in numbers but the men are the people that you still hear more. Which speaks a great deal about our culture
What are your biggest fears for the future?
I admit to being slightly afraid of stepping out of the student bubble. I am fully aware that these will be the happiest years of my life, and when this is all over it will be a huge shock.
I’ve been aware of my own mortality for a long time. Sickness, bereavement, death, I’m continually psyching myself up for because they are a part of life and they have to happen.
What do you truly love about yourself?
I love and I am proud that I have done my best all my life to stay true to who I am and never try to change that even though I’ve known that if I had changed my life would have been easier.
What would you say to your younger self?
It gets better. I know it is tough now but you are going to be very proud of yourself and so will other people.
FemFest 